Well it has been a while since I have written anything. I haven't written since June so there is a lot of things to catch up and let you know about.

June I think was probably one of the hardest months I have had to endure in my life. As in the previous months my body was just plain tired. To go along with that the pain was becoming almost unbearable. I like to think that I have a high pain tolerance. When I am sick I usually try to work out and run to sweat the sickness out of my body, but this pain was to much. The pain along with not being able to work and also not really having a social life was driving me to depression. I can admit there were times during that month that the thought of finishing this life began to come into my mind. I began to see for myself how easily someone could begin to think about suicide and let those thoughts play out in their mind so much that they can see it as a reality. Luckily for myself my will to fight and succeed overpowered those thoughts. For those reading and know of someone that is struggling I urge you to watch the mormon message (http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=3851853843001) (it is called sitting on a bench) put out by the church and with that let you know how much a friend can help in times of struggle and depression. I will explain a little later. For those who might have thoughts come into their mind about taking your life I urge you to look a little deeper and have faith. The body is a wonderful thing. The mind is only able to concentrate on one thing at a time. If there is a time that thoughts come into your mind that are depressing and lead to thoughts of taking your life you need to get up and do something. Get your mind focused on something else. Reach out to a friend. Know that there is so much in life that is worth living for.

At the end of June I had planned on going to the Dominican Republic on an internship. I got everything ready and along with that finally decided to get a prescription for some NSAIDs (non-steriodal anti-inflammatory drug). I hadn't wanted to begin using any medication to help because of the side effects that we all hear about, but here was another tender mercy that the Lord gave to me. I decided to get a blessing from my bishop. In that blessing he said that I would come to find out which medicines would work for me. After that blessing a friend reached out to me and invited me to her house where I learned that her dad had ankylosing spondylitis. He explained how he had lived with it and said the medications are what really help and I think that was the door for me on beginning to take the medication. I also decided to go to the chiropractor and get my back aligned again. While there he took some x-rays and gave me a list of vitamins and minerals to begin to take. I began taking the medication from the doctor and the vitamins and minerals recommended from the doctor before I left and into the internship. For those who wonder which ones they are: Idomethacin, double the prescribed for fish oil, vitamin c, magnesium and zinc, and ashwagandha.

I left for the internship and was back down in the wonderful heat. Heat is amazing. Your body is able to cleanse itself so well. You are forced to drink water because of the amount of sweat that you loose. Here in the mountain west it's dry and you don't feel like you need water, but it gets sucked out of you and I feel like i'm always dehydrated, but don't drink as much water. While I was there in the dominican republic I knew I was taking the anti-inflammatory drugs so i ate what ever I felt like. It was mainly rice and it was amazing. All of the carbohydrates I feel took care of the energy deficit I was feeling. To go along with that I was with many amazing people on the trip that were full of energy and I feel that I was able to thrive off of their energy. There were many that were also wanting to do activities which really helped with the depression. I wasn't so alone. Often they would give me compliments that would give me a nice boost of self-esteem. And to top it all off because I was taking the pain meds I was basically pain free. This trip was a miracle for me. I was able to gain all of the needed elements that were driving me to depression. I wish there was a way to explain to all of those friends I made their the impact that they have had on my life. I would say with this to never under estimate the good that you can do by being a friend. Sometimes you will never know. You could be saving their life.

After I returned from that trip. I continued to take the medication and vitamins and minerals faithfully. I had started to work out again in the dominican republic and that was also a plus. I returned and began working on the house again. With all of the needs basically taken care of I was back to my normal self. I was able to put in 12-16 hour days working along with the ability to go and work out and make it a tough workout.

After looking back over the past couple of months I have been blessed to see all of the miracles that happened in my life. I was given the direction to take medication when I needed it. For now I am basically pain free. I have moments waking up after tiling the night before that I am a little sore, but it goes away after I begin to move for the day. I truly feel that my body was able to finally heal from the torn disc that was in my back during the summer. These past couple of weeks also I have been looking at my life and what I want to do. I realized that I just can't see myself being a teacher and there hasn't been a day gone by that I haven't thought of being in the military. I've decided that I'm going to give it another try, but just a different route. I look back and the MRI that I received stated that I didn't have any fused vertebrae and the most recent chiropractor that I visited before I left for my internship said that he couldn't really tell that I had arthritis. I haven't been taking the medication the past couple of weeks and still mostly pain free. I have a construction management class and one of the days and couple came and talked about the provo tabernacle, soon to be the provo city center temple. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about here is the site for it. (http://www.ldschurchtemples.com/provocitycenter/) One thing that he said really touched me. There was a member of our church who was over that building and learned that it was on fire. He quickly went down there and found it was true and watched as a beloved building of his burnt. He was comforted by a thought that came to his mind. It was the Lord speaking. The voice said, "I own this building. What is it to you if I want to do a little remodeling." The tabernacle was later decided on to become a temple. I can't help but think that if I am able to get in the military this second time that it was right for me to be in the military, but that I had just chosen the wrong path. The Lord needed to refine me a little and help me learn a few lessons. In sense he wanted to do a little remodeling. At this point I don't know where life is going to lead, but many doors have opened that I hadn't seen before and excited to where they may lead.

Doing Something Epic

 Since I last wrote it definitely has been a struggle. My body just doesn’t have the energy to keep up with everything I want to do. With the body not being able to keep up the mind slowly wanders and it’s hard to keep things positive. After researching on the internet I learned that fatigue is one of the main complaints with AS. The body uses most of the energy to counteract the inflammation. 

 I’m a big fan of “The Art of Manliness” and they had a good article that showed a lot of the emotions and feelings that I was having. It is called “The 3 Obstacles to Doing Epic Deeds and How to Overcome them”

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/05/29/the-3-obstacles-to-doing-epic-deeds-and-how-to-overcome-them/

If you ever feel like you want to do something out of the ordinary I encourage you to read it. It’s super good. So the background to his article is a man who decided he wanted to do something, but didn’t want to just do something he wanted to do something epic so he could push himself. He decided to do what is known as the 4 deserts grand slam. It’s races where you run 155 miles across most brutal deserts. The runners carry everything they will need on their backs. Crazy race. So here are the obstacles that most of us will face as we try to do something beyond the norm of what we think is possible for us, whether that be the 4 deserts grand slam to running a marathon.

The first obstacle is going from “I’m just an average guy to I’m destined for greatness.” I have many feelings about this, but if someone has a goal that they want to achieve, I say go for it. The other side to this is the gospel standpoint. That is the first thing I thought of when I read, “I’m destined for greatness.” Here we all are on earth trying to live a life to make it back to our Heavenly Father. What a daunting task.  It is achievable depending on the mindset that we have and the amount of perseverance that we put into our efforts to accomplish that task.

The second obstacle is a social issue. Some possible friends that we have would rather us come spend time with them then allow us to prepare for or train for are goals. Doing something epic is going to take extra time and we might loose those so called friends who try to distract us, but in doing this we attract friends who want to help and give support. It’s a leap of faith on this one, but comes out good in the end.

The third obstacle is in the trenches. It is overcome with those you have surrounded yourself with who are willing to lift you up and motivate you. The article talks about the man getting his luggage lost and having to run in two sizes smaller of shoes. He was starting to complain, but then realized everyone was limping and in the same boat as he was. He changed his attitude from complaining to helping others out. This last obstacle has been my trouble for a long time. It always seems like if it can go wrong, it will go wrong. I see it now as there are just some things that we don’t have any power over and just have to make do with what comes our way. I learned this lesson while I was in Africa. It’s hot. There is nothing I can do about that except learn to enjoy the heat. Now I love it. The pump to the water well breaks. Only thing to do at that moment is to get a bucket with a rope and fetch it the old fashioned way.

Another thought that came to my mind this week had to deal more with my body’s energy. Even after getting 8 hours of sleep after working out for a while I would come home and fall asleep for an hour or so. I was physically exhausted. My workouts weren’t that hard either. The thought came to me of the apostles in the Garden of Gethsemane. I heard it during General Conference, but for the life of me couldn’t find the reference. Anyways ita talks about it in Mark 14 and Luke 22. As a recap the disciples go with Christ to the Garden and they become sore amazed at the feelings of sorrow and the heavy gloomy feelings that they are having. They succumb to these feelings and fall asleep. They state, “ The spirit is ready, but the flesh is weak.”

A lot of people bag on the disciples for sleeping in the Garden while Christ was suffering, but I don’t think we have much room to talk. I feel I would have done the same. These last couple of weeks I truly have experienced the spirit is ready, but the body is weak. I know for a fact I would have fallen asleep just as the disciples.  I think of them later as they were able to overcome those physical limitations. Truly the body can be trained and conditioned to overcome many things. 

background and week 1 workout

I realized after writing those previous blog posts some of you who read this might not understand what ankylosing spondylitis is. So it is defined as a inflammatory disease that can cause some of the vertebrae in your spine to fuse together. There are other definitions, but they get way to complicated. So it basically is just a health issue that causes inflammation in your lower back. So it is different for everyone, but if not taken well care of can become a real issue just like any other issue that people might have.

A little more background info. So during fall or winter semester of school the pain was getting pretty severe. I was sitting down for a good part of the day and my back didn’t like that. While I was searching for things that could help and from the help of my family I came across a non-starch diet. How they explained it was that with the condition some of the bacteria in your body attacks part of the body causing inflammation. It went on to say that the excess starch that is left over from digestion provides food for the bacteria making the inflammation worse. So they suggest getting rid of starch, which is pretty much like 80% of the food that we consume. It is all grains and other foods like beans, potatoes, and other foods like that. I decided to try it. So I went for a good couple weeks and was doing some back exercises along with this and the pain almost went completely away amazingly. I was only able to stay strong for a couple weeks. I have a crazy fast metabolism and was always hungry. Just couldn’t get enough salad  and meat to satisfy my appetite. I ended up loosing weight, which I didn’t have any to loose. So I started eating grains once in a while just to give myself some carbs every once in a while. I now try to eat no starchy foods for breakfast, a little for lunch, and occasionally some for dinner. I found that my body can digest a little bit during lunch so it has time to digest and not just sit in my stomache all night.

So this week I stared training. So I haven’t really done any real exercise for a good 8-12 months. I’ve done a little swimming here and there and maybe jogged somewhere when I needed to get somewhere quickly, but beyond that I’ve just been resting. Usually if I do to much I’m not able to move the next morning or not able to get a good nights rest. I was able to get out and swim on Monday and Wednesday and a short bike ride on Tuesday. The other days I got to busy working and wasn’t able to get in for a swim. I was surprised from these small workouts that the pain the next day wasn’t very severe. After I got up and moving around I really didn’t notice it at all. I even played a game of basketball on Thursday night and wasn’t able to go for very long, but the next day I wasn’t feeling to bad.

With all that information time to think I had a few ideas come to my head. Obviously for me it is a little more necessary to be conscious of what I consume. I was thinking about the body and how it flushes out the bad. I was thinking of how important it was to be drinking water so that the body can do this function of cleansing. I think it is a gift that we are given to heal and repair ourselves.

While reading a conference talk one morning I came across a talk by elder Randall L. Ridd.  He says:

 “In a real though figurative sense, the book of life is the record of the acts of men as such record is written in their own bodies. … That is, every though, word, and deed has an [effect] on the human body; all these leave their marks, marks which can be read by Him who is Eternal as easily as the words in a book can be read.”

As I was reading this I thought back to the body and the ability it has to heal itself and my mind went to the scripture in D&C 58:42-43. This says:

“42 -Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.

43- By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins – behold, he will confess them and forsake them.”

I wondered if this is how the Lord will remember them no more. I then thought of the Holy Ghost and how he has the ability to “burn” the sins away in our bodies to cleanse us. I wondered if this is how the Lord would remember our sins no more. Does the spirit remove the effects the sins had on our body making that part of our book of life erased.

I had an experience with this type of thing this week as well. I am a free-lance worker per say and currently am working on a house. The goal is to get it finished by the end of the summer. So I had many other people wanting me to come and help them on some of their projects as well, which would have taken me away from my own. At first you would think it would be good to go and help. My life was becoming very hectic and my mind was not at ease. After talking with my dad I got some advice. He first said that the Savior never had a hectic life. He had many things to do, but never at a fast pace. He then also shared the advice the Savior gave to his apostles. This was that after they are converted then they were to convert their brethren.

I was trying to live a hectic life. It was having a toll on me. After I declined some offers and just focused on the matter I had at hand my mind was at peace again. I had energy again and my body felt rejuvenated.

Just like my example those who try to live a sinful life take a toll on their bodies. If only they would repent and change they would again be full of energy and not have to carry around the effects of those sins everywhere they go. It is so important to take care of our bodies both physically and spiritually so that they can do what they were made to do, heal, repair, and grow.

Strength like Nephi

In church we had a wonderful speaker that spoke about the prophet Nephi. The things that he talked about I feel go hand in hand to exactly what I was/am experiencing. My belief is that this process will happen at least a couple times in our life. That is receiving a stronger testimony of God, but it all requires a step of faith.

The man shared 1 Nephi 3:7 in the Book of Mormon. It reads:

“I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”

Most of us who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are familiar with this scripture, but the man who spoke brought us to the earlier scriptures and helped us see that Nephi wasn’t always like this. In 1 Nephi 2 we learn that Nephi’s older brethren were stiff-necked and when they have to leave Jerusalem they begin to murmur, thinking their father was crazy. In 1 Nephi 2:16 we see Nephi’s response. It reads:

            “And it came to pass that I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.”

The speaker explained that at this point he feels that Nephi might have been thinking also that his father was crazy, but knew that if it was from the Lord then the Lord would let him know if it was true. As we continue the story it begins to parallel what I experienced. Nephi is being obedient to the Lord and he is asked to go back to Jerusalem to get the plates of Brass. While they are there they fail twice. The second time they about loose their lives. Here is a perfect time for Nephi to begin to murmur as his brothers, yet he holds true to what he learned previously. At this point in the story we would expect some good things to finally come the way of Nephi, yet after the second try his older brethren beat him. This is when the Lord finally gives him a tender mercy and the angel shows up to stop the beating and gives him the simple statement “the Lord will deliver Laban into your hands.” After this we see the strength and testimony that Nephi has now obtained from persevering in his trials. He says in my favorite scripture 1 Nephi 4:6:

“And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.”

Nephi knew the Lord would deliver so he took that final step of faith and witnessed the miracle.

If we were to continue with the story we would see Nephi had many other opportunities to loose his testimony, but he held strong each time gaining a stronger testimony.

After I learned had arthritis and ankylosing spondylitis I did my best to stay strong. I moved forward and did my best to see the good. Like Nephi I didn’t experience a tender mercy for a while. Everything just seemed to be going down hill. I feel that I reached as low as I could have for my testimony at that time. It came to a point where thoughts entered my mind making me wonder if the gospel was true. As I was studying I read something that was talking about testimonies. The writer said some think it is foolish to bear testimony of things that we don’t know for certain, but continued on stating that after we bear testimony we receive the spiritual witness of what we have said was true. I knew that I needed to hear myself bear testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel and after doing so I was able to receive just enough of a witness to give me the strength to carry on. I am nothing to the faith of Nephi, but I try to hold onto the thought of being led by the spirit, since I have little direction on where life is going at this point.

There is opposition in all things. It was shared with me that the opposition is going to be greater to or equal to the witness that we receive.

Are we like Nephi’s brothers and begin to murmur at the beginning of a trial or do we have the strength like Nephi to inquire of the Lord to know if something is true and hold true to the answer no matter the opposition. 

To start you have to know that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am an active member and it is through the gospel and Christ that I gain strength and motivation each and everyday. Many of my thoughts and and post will come from my faith in God.

I like to think of life as rock climbing. We are all trying to reach the top of the mountain. We all start at different locations around the mountain, which makes each of our paths to the top different. Many of our paths that we choose to take to reach the top will cross or meet up with others. Each of us is different in abilities and physical physique. If any of you have ever rocked climbed before you will understand that some people have the length to reach different holds than maybe you can. You may take the same path, but the way in which you complete that path is different. There are also other times as you are climbing that you realize that you aren't quite strong enough to take a certain path and have to find a different one or find out that because of your limitations like size can't quite reach the next hold. There are then the times when you are climbing and you fall. Each time we fall we have the opportunity to regroup and figure out how to get past the next obstacle. Some times we become so exhausted trying to complete the task and have to try a different day. My belief is that everyone is capable of reaching the top, they just have to strengthen themselves or try another path, but ultimately just need to push forward.

I am a stubborn person and rarely quite. This is My Story.

Just as background information. After returning from my mission in 2012 I began school as a civil engineer and joined the Air Force ROTC. My desire was to become a Combat Search Rescue Officer in the Air Force. For those that don't know what that is they are basically a group of highly trained soldiers that are sent in when someone has gone down and bring them home. They are comfortable in water or land and driven by this motto "That others may live".  I wanted nothing more than to save the life of others. If I would have joined the ranks of those who have given there life for the freedom we enjoy, I would have considered it an honor.
That first semester back I realized I didn't have the knowledge or brains for being a civil engineer and switched my major to Technology and Engineering Education. It was more hands on much easier. (For those who don't have what it takes to be an engineer and love working with their hands and highly recommend this major.) I was in decent shape at this point in my life. With only working out for an hour 2-3 times a week and doing intramurals I was able to complete 85 pushups in a minute 95 sit-ups and run a mile and a half in around 8 min 15 sec and 3 miles in just under 18 min. Pretty good for going to school full time and also working.
After that fall/winter semesters I hurt my back somehow during the summer. I rested to allow it to get better and it wasn't getting better. I started going to the chiropractor and it started to improve. I tried working out again and ended tweaking it again and was out again. After around 5-6 months of recovery and to no avail I was looking for answers.
One sunday a member of my stake presidency came by to visit and I learned that he was a hip doctor. I explained my issue and he told me to set up an appointment to come and meet him. Which I did so. (So as a little more background I tore my hip flexor in high school along with some stress fractures in that area. I also tore my ham string upon returning from my mission. I was told these were a result of my tight lower back.) I went to meet him and at this point my back was constantly hurting and had very restless sleeps. Here were my thoughts while this was all happening.

Well felt like I should recap what's been happening lately. So I've been going to the chiropractor for the past 5 months because of low back pain. I think I hurt it up getting logs during the summer. So it's been giving me a hard time. I was talking with my parents and was looking into going to a different chiropractor to see if they could do anything. So one week during book of mormon class we were talking about being humble and being compelled to be humble. Our teacher shared a story with us about a professional athlete, Brian Sternberg, who wasn't humble at all. He was amazing at what he did. He had many ncaa championships and did it all about himself. He was quoted saying that he didn't need coaches and if i remember right they asked him about God and he was like "who". While he was practicing by himself (he did a trampoline event) he landed on the side of the tramp and was found later by someone and was rushed to the hospital to learn that he was paralyzed and became a paraplegic. He was humbled and had to rely on everyone for everything. It was then told that he was speaking to a group of ncaa champions and told them he was grateful he was humbled because he found God. So then a week later or we were getting ready for ward conference and a member of the bishopric and stake presidency were visiting members of the ward. So they said after prayer that they felt that they should come to our apartment. They didn't know why. So I was in a lot of pain at this time and learned that President Smith was a hip specialist. When I was introducing myself i told him that part of the reason that he was there was for me. So I explained my problem and he gave me the number to his office and I set up an appointment. So a week later I went into his office to see what was going on. So he took some x-rays and while looking at them he told me that I had arthritis in my hips. Talk about a wake up call. He told me that It wouldn't be advised to do the military. He said that if I did running or other activities that it would progress rapidly. So my hopes of being in the military were being crushed. He was concerned that I had it at such a young age and was worried that I had ankylosing spondylitis. So he was going to have me get some blood tests and then was worried that I had a pinched nerve and that's why I've been in such pain for a while. So I will be getting an mri soon to see what's going on. So I left his office kind of down. So the lucky thing is that my roommates were crazy enough to go to the temple that morning for the 6 o'clock session. So luckily I did that before the news or I might not have been able to hold myself together. So that day instead of working on my day off I stayed home and watched movies. The whole time I was thinking that my life was going to change dramatically and everything I loved to do, I wouldn't be able to do them anymore. So I knew there was nothing I could do and with help that was not mine I changed my attitude and began to look back at my blessings. I realized that I had been given the talent of loving and being able to do many things. I wouldn't be able to do running or other things that involved a lot of running, but I could swim and bike and other things like that. I realized that my gift of being able to do many things wasn't so I could be a search and rescue officer, but that I could still do things with my ailment. I then was thankful that I had maybe gotten this pinched nerve so that they could find that I had the arthritis. It would have been devastating to go into the military and later in life because of the strain to be handicapped. So a couple of my family members have been researching the disease and been looking for treatments and things to do to make it a little easier. So it looks like it might not be able to be cured, but I can improve myself a lot. So I also finally got away from the chiropractor and met with a professor at buy to do a lower back pain study. so I was put in a egoscue group to work on my posture. So while talking with him he said that if we can get our body aligned that the cartilage will start growing back and it sounded like to me that the sickness can be healed. That would be amazing if it could, but even if it can't I will have good posture and healthy body. I was given a blessing and was told the Lord was mindful of me at this time. He said that I would receive many blessings and that if I would call upon the Lord that he shower me with the things that I need. He then went further to bless me that I would be promised the blessings of a healthy body and strength and that I would be able to accomplish and do the things that I wanted to do in the future. 

The next couple of weeks were hard. The blood work came back and I was told it was 95% that I had the ankylosing spondylitis. Sad day. Finally got a mri and learned I had a torn disc and luckily no permanent damage yet.  I also began doing all the necessary paperwork and things to get released from the ROTC. This path that I had chosen I just couldn't reach because of my physical limitations. There was nothing I could do about it, but choose a different path. It has been many months figuring out where to go, but I think I have finally found a new path to try. I want to become an ironman.