Well it has been a while since I have written anything. I haven't written since June so there is a lot of things to catch up and let you know about.

June I think was probably one of the hardest months I have had to endure in my life. As in the previous months my body was just plain tired. To go along with that the pain was becoming almost unbearable. I like to think that I have a high pain tolerance. When I am sick I usually try to work out and run to sweat the sickness out of my body, but this pain was to much. The pain along with not being able to work and also not really having a social life was driving me to depression. I can admit there were times during that month that the thought of finishing this life began to come into my mind. I began to see for myself how easily someone could begin to think about suicide and let those thoughts play out in their mind so much that they can see it as a reality. Luckily for myself my will to fight and succeed overpowered those thoughts. For those reading and know of someone that is struggling I urge you to watch the mormon message (http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=3851853843001) (it is called sitting on a bench) put out by the church and with that let you know how much a friend can help in times of struggle and depression. I will explain a little later. For those who might have thoughts come into their mind about taking your life I urge you to look a little deeper and have faith. The body is a wonderful thing. The mind is only able to concentrate on one thing at a time. If there is a time that thoughts come into your mind that are depressing and lead to thoughts of taking your life you need to get up and do something. Get your mind focused on something else. Reach out to a friend. Know that there is so much in life that is worth living for.

At the end of June I had planned on going to the Dominican Republic on an internship. I got everything ready and along with that finally decided to get a prescription for some NSAIDs (non-steriodal anti-inflammatory drug). I hadn't wanted to begin using any medication to help because of the side effects that we all hear about, but here was another tender mercy that the Lord gave to me. I decided to get a blessing from my bishop. In that blessing he said that I would come to find out which medicines would work for me. After that blessing a friend reached out to me and invited me to her house where I learned that her dad had ankylosing spondylitis. He explained how he had lived with it and said the medications are what really help and I think that was the door for me on beginning to take the medication. I also decided to go to the chiropractor and get my back aligned again. While there he took some x-rays and gave me a list of vitamins and minerals to begin to take. I began taking the medication from the doctor and the vitamins and minerals recommended from the doctor before I left and into the internship. For those who wonder which ones they are: Idomethacin, double the prescribed for fish oil, vitamin c, magnesium and zinc, and ashwagandha.

I left for the internship and was back down in the wonderful heat. Heat is amazing. Your body is able to cleanse itself so well. You are forced to drink water because of the amount of sweat that you loose. Here in the mountain west it's dry and you don't feel like you need water, but it gets sucked out of you and I feel like i'm always dehydrated, but don't drink as much water. While I was there in the dominican republic I knew I was taking the anti-inflammatory drugs so i ate what ever I felt like. It was mainly rice and it was amazing. All of the carbohydrates I feel took care of the energy deficit I was feeling. To go along with that I was with many amazing people on the trip that were full of energy and I feel that I was able to thrive off of their energy. There were many that were also wanting to do activities which really helped with the depression. I wasn't so alone. Often they would give me compliments that would give me a nice boost of self-esteem. And to top it all off because I was taking the pain meds I was basically pain free. This trip was a miracle for me. I was able to gain all of the needed elements that were driving me to depression. I wish there was a way to explain to all of those friends I made their the impact that they have had on my life. I would say with this to never under estimate the good that you can do by being a friend. Sometimes you will never know. You could be saving their life.

After I returned from that trip. I continued to take the medication and vitamins and minerals faithfully. I had started to work out again in the dominican republic and that was also a plus. I returned and began working on the house again. With all of the needs basically taken care of I was back to my normal self. I was able to put in 12-16 hour days working along with the ability to go and work out and make it a tough workout.

After looking back over the past couple of months I have been blessed to see all of the miracles that happened in my life. I was given the direction to take medication when I needed it. For now I am basically pain free. I have moments waking up after tiling the night before that I am a little sore, but it goes away after I begin to move for the day. I truly feel that my body was able to finally heal from the torn disc that was in my back during the summer. These past couple of weeks also I have been looking at my life and what I want to do. I realized that I just can't see myself being a teacher and there hasn't been a day gone by that I haven't thought of being in the military. I've decided that I'm going to give it another try, but just a different route. I look back and the MRI that I received stated that I didn't have any fused vertebrae and the most recent chiropractor that I visited before I left for my internship said that he couldn't really tell that I had arthritis. I haven't been taking the medication the past couple of weeks and still mostly pain free. I have a construction management class and one of the days and couple came and talked about the provo tabernacle, soon to be the provo city center temple. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about here is the site for it. (http://www.ldschurchtemples.com/provocitycenter/) One thing that he said really touched me. There was a member of our church who was over that building and learned that it was on fire. He quickly went down there and found it was true and watched as a beloved building of his burnt. He was comforted by a thought that came to his mind. It was the Lord speaking. The voice said, "I own this building. What is it to you if I want to do a little remodeling." The tabernacle was later decided on to become a temple. I can't help but think that if I am able to get in the military this second time that it was right for me to be in the military, but that I had just chosen the wrong path. The Lord needed to refine me a little and help me learn a few lessons. In sense he wanted to do a little remodeling. At this point I don't know where life is going to lead, but many doors have opened that I hadn't seen before and excited to where they may lead.