I decided to change up my saying. I've had some experiences these last months that have helped me on my journey in life. I read the book "Forget Me Nots" by Dieter F. Uchtdorf and it made me stop and think a little bit that truly when we stop focusing so much on the end goal and enjoy each day and experience that we are given we are much happier. I think it's interesting that after a trial or experience we can look back and see that the path that we followed was necessary to help us obtain the goal or blessing. My experience these past few months are a perfect example for this. Luckily this time I was able to except very early in the process and began to see everything unfolding while it was happening.
I was just about finished up with school. I had talked to my councilor and worked it out that if I did a little heavier semester I could be graduated in one more semester. It was going to be 20 credits. My brother had just gotten me on as an intern with his company and I had it all worked out to graduate in a semester and then start working full time at that company. I don't particularly enjoy sitting in classes being lectured too and I struggle staying focused and on task so to say I was excited to finish is a complete understatement. My major is technology and engineering education and I decided a while back that I didn't want to teach. My major has been working on splitting the major so there is a teaching route and a non-teaching route. It was ok'd by the vice-president, but in his wanting to see if any other majors wanted to do the same and split, the split for my major was put on hold and has been for the past year. I had been hoping it would go through the system and I could graduate in that major, but it wasn't looking good so I talked to the councilor and was approved to finish all of the classes, but to be able to graduate without doing student teaching. I finished the paperwork and sent it in. A few days later I was called back into the office and was told that there was some complications. It turned out the the same people who have been holding up the splitting of my major deleted the graduation code about a year and a half ago without telling anyone making it impossible for me to graduate with my major without doing student teaching. My councilor was furious they didn't tell anyone and also the dean for my major. I was given two options. I could finish taking the classes that I was, but my diploma would say my major was secondary education non-licensure or I could finish taking the classes and do the student teaching and graduate in my major. I was stuck in a bind. I wanted to get a technical job and to have a secondary education non-licensure degree would do me no good. To anyone that shows I'm not really qualified for anything. Then there was no way I was going to take 20 credits while working to have to take another semester later while loosing my job since they don't allow you to student teach while working. There was no way I was going to do that. So I decided to step away from school for a while until they get things worked out. How long will it take I don't know.
To get away from school for a while seems against everything that I've been taught my whole life. All of my brothers and sisters have graduated from college and many have gone on to masters, law degrees, or phd's, but here is when I began to see the path laid before me.
I currently am working on a house to flip, but for the past month or so I have been getting a feeling like I should keep the house. I am currently on a construction loan and it ends in a couple months. Then there are some other aspects of my life that I've wanted to get back on track. I was running myself ragged by working full time while going to school and then doing some sides remodeling jobs. Because the mess happened with my major and me graduating I was able to go on full time sooner at the company I am interning for. With me going on full time I will have a good enough credit and pay to keep my house. With only one job I will be able to focus more on the things I need to keep in order like my health. So many doors have now opened up that I couldn't have dreamed of before. I look back now and am grateful for the mess with my major. The day I was told I was annoyed and was like great here is another road block that I need to go around. This new path that I've been traveling on is going to help me reach my dreams faster than I could have imagined.

For a spiritual thought I had as well. I was talking to one of my friends. He was concerned about getting some help. I told him that sometimes we have to except help. I thought of our Savior and how in life He teaches us to walk. Once we are walking He walks beside us, and then when we are to tired and can't walk anymore He carries us. The scripture came to mind. Matthew 18:3 - And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. I thought of parents and their children. At a young age they are carried until they are able to learn to walk. The parents are by their side the whole time encouraging them and there to catch them if they fall. The children are excited to be able to walk and run around and around, but eventually get tired and need to be carried. Are we like the little children and humble enough to be carried when we need to be?


So a side thought now pertaining to this last post I have been listing to "The Invention of Wings" and had the thought, knowledge is freedom. I love this thought. Truly the more we know the more free we become. One of the greatest blessings I've gained is the desire to learn. I was aware of how much time I was spending watching movies and television and when I first moved into my house about a year ago I didn't get the internet because I knew I'd spend to much time watching movies and browsing. I decided to begin reading. Books are amazing. I think I've read 20 or so this past year and some of which were 800 pages or more. I've started listening to books on tape and listening on my way to work. These stories have opened up my mind of which I am grateful.

It has been a while since I have written. Many things have happened since then. They have shaped me even more in just these few months. First off for those who are reading this for the ankylosing spondylitis I will share the things I have done that have helped me improve physically and then will go into the spiritual side that has also helped me change my attitude over and over again to once again put a smile on my face.

Over these months I have had two major flair ups. Both left me in severe pain and it was hard to move and get up in the morning. Sleep was not deep and since my body was trying to combat everything in my body it was getting worn out. It got to a point when I decided I couldn't take the pain anymore and finally decided to go to a rheumatologist. So it usually takes months to get into one so I called around and found that at the university of utah they have a less known rheumatologist that could get me in in a month. I struggled for a while and finally got the pain to go away enough that I could work and stretch a little bit. I went there and received a blood test and exam and was told to come back in a month when there was an opening and he would let me know everything. I found out that yes truly I have ankylosing spondylitis, but it hadn't started fusing yet so I had control. He gave me some pills to take and sent me on my way. I promised him that I would take the pills everyday so I am now taking meloxicam every day along with other vitamins and things. So I kept going about my business and never reached a point where I was pain free even with the new medicine. I had some odd jobs for about a month that took me off of my normal routine and while working at home the pain was getting bad again, my second flair up. One day I tried to pull start a pressure washer and felt like I had thrown out my back again. I had to have my dad pull start the washer. I could barely move again. I couldn't bend down and pick anything up. I couldn't take the pain anymore and my parents helped me find a good chiropractor in pinedale, wyoming that I could go see that day to try and loosen my back up. I went to him and he got me on the path again. He got my legs back to the same length and relaxed the muscles in my back enough that I didn't have to limp out of his office. He gave me some exercises that I could do to help. I promised him also that I would continue to take the medicine everyday even though I couldn't really see much of a difference. One thing that this chiropractor explained is that there is a series of muscles that connect your pelvis and lower back up to your ribs and are the ones you can't control. Sorry never took anatomy so no idea what they are called. He explained how this protects the vitals inside and sometimes in doing so pulls other things out of balance. I apologize. Not the best explanation about what he said, but basically he explained that if i don't stretch the other muscles to balance the muscles out it will continue to wreak havoc on everything. I have began to do those exercises and eating healthy again and taking my medicine and am able to exercise for hours and work once again. I've started going to bed early again and although not 100% life is good.

Now for the emotional/spiritual side. I believe my spiritual and physical are connected and helping both has helped balance things out. The past months I have been praying and trying to feel and understand the love of God better and I wasn't quite expecting the way that God would show me his love. I had to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had to say goodbye to my best friend. We had one final hike into the mountains and he now rests under a pine tree that survived the fire over looking the valley. I don't cry, but that morning I shed many tears. About a week later is when the first flare up came. Most of the odd jobs I was doing was helping family. Once again I was praying and wanting to feel of God's love. I then received the second flare up. I came back to school and started going on dates with a girl and opening up my heart and it ended up not working out. During this time also I attended a devotional with President Worthen talking. He shared with us about Laman and Lemuel in the Book of Mormon. He asked if they had followed the council of the prophet and the Lord. He showed us yes many times they had. They left Jerusalem, the returned to get the brass plates, they returned to bring back wives, they helped build a boat, and they got on that boat to sail away. He explained that the difference between them and Nephi was murmuring. The listened to the prophet, but when things got hard they began to murmur. It was once again a call to repentance. Here I was trying to follow the council of the prophets and except what the Lord has given to me and yet I began to murmur when the things were getting rough. I began to look around and saw I was forgetting about those around me. One of my friends tried to commit suicide, another was going to be homeless.

I began a gratitude journal and once again began to look back on the things that had happened and truly I received an answer to my prayer of feeling and seeing the love of God. I came to see the sacrifice that our Heavenly Father had to do when He sacrificed His son when I had to put down my dog. I was able to find a rheumatologist quickly to take away some of the pain. I prayed and had the opportunity to feel the love our Heavenly Father has for the girl that I was pursuing. My parents paid for the chiropractor in wyoming when I couldn't move. I was able to receive a blessing and some help with some work I needed done from my father. Each one as I look back was an answer to my prayer. I had the opportunity to see, feel, and understand the love of our Heavenly Father and Savior on a whole new level and that I am thankful for. Looking back there isn't a thing I would have different. The knowledge and blessing has far out weighed any pain or trial that I had to go through. I know God loves his Children. I am now beginning to see and understand all of the blessings that have come from me being diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis. I am grateful for everyone.

 I watched a ted talk about a girl saying how circumstances help us to think creatively. I don't want to do her injustice by quoting her wrong. You should watch it yourselves. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_purdy_living_beyond_limits?language=en

Well it has been a while since I have written anything. I haven't written since June so there is a lot of things to catch up and let you know about.

June I think was probably one of the hardest months I have had to endure in my life. As in the previous months my body was just plain tired. To go along with that the pain was becoming almost unbearable. I like to think that I have a high pain tolerance. When I am sick I usually try to work out and run to sweat the sickness out of my body, but this pain was to much. The pain along with not being able to work and also not really having a social life was driving me to depression. I can admit there were times during that month that the thought of finishing this life began to come into my mind. I began to see for myself how easily someone could begin to think about suicide and let those thoughts play out in their mind so much that they can see it as a reality. Luckily for myself my will to fight and succeed overpowered those thoughts. For those reading and know of someone that is struggling I urge you to watch the mormon message (http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=3851853843001) (it is called sitting on a bench) put out by the church and with that let you know how much a friend can help in times of struggle and depression. I will explain a little later. For those who might have thoughts come into their mind about taking your life I urge you to look a little deeper and have faith. The body is a wonderful thing. The mind is only able to concentrate on one thing at a time. If there is a time that thoughts come into your mind that are depressing and lead to thoughts of taking your life you need to get up and do something. Get your mind focused on something else. Reach out to a friend. Know that there is so much in life that is worth living for.

At the end of June I had planned on going to the Dominican Republic on an internship. I got everything ready and along with that finally decided to get a prescription for some NSAIDs (non-steriodal anti-inflammatory drug). I hadn't wanted to begin using any medication to help because of the side effects that we all hear about, but here was another tender mercy that the Lord gave to me. I decided to get a blessing from my bishop. In that blessing he said that I would come to find out which medicines would work for me. After that blessing a friend reached out to me and invited me to her house where I learned that her dad had ankylosing spondylitis. He explained how he had lived with it and said the medications are what really help and I think that was the door for me on beginning to take the medication. I also decided to go to the chiropractor and get my back aligned again. While there he took some x-rays and gave me a list of vitamins and minerals to begin to take. I began taking the medication from the doctor and the vitamins and minerals recommended from the doctor before I left and into the internship. For those who wonder which ones they are: Idomethacin, double the prescribed for fish oil, vitamin c, magnesium and zinc, and ashwagandha.

I left for the internship and was back down in the wonderful heat. Heat is amazing. Your body is able to cleanse itself so well. You are forced to drink water because of the amount of sweat that you loose. Here in the mountain west it's dry and you don't feel like you need water, but it gets sucked out of you and I feel like i'm always dehydrated, but don't drink as much water. While I was there in the dominican republic I knew I was taking the anti-inflammatory drugs so i ate what ever I felt like. It was mainly rice and it was amazing. All of the carbohydrates I feel took care of the energy deficit I was feeling. To go along with that I was with many amazing people on the trip that were full of energy and I feel that I was able to thrive off of their energy. There were many that were also wanting to do activities which really helped with the depression. I wasn't so alone. Often they would give me compliments that would give me a nice boost of self-esteem. And to top it all off because I was taking the pain meds I was basically pain free. This trip was a miracle for me. I was able to gain all of the needed elements that were driving me to depression. I wish there was a way to explain to all of those friends I made their the impact that they have had on my life. I would say with this to never under estimate the good that you can do by being a friend. Sometimes you will never know. You could be saving their life.

After I returned from that trip. I continued to take the medication and vitamins and minerals faithfully. I had started to work out again in the dominican republic and that was also a plus. I returned and began working on the house again. With all of the needs basically taken care of I was back to my normal self. I was able to put in 12-16 hour days working along with the ability to go and work out and make it a tough workout.

After looking back over the past couple of months I have been blessed to see all of the miracles that happened in my life. I was given the direction to take medication when I needed it. For now I am basically pain free. I have moments waking up after tiling the night before that I am a little sore, but it goes away after I begin to move for the day. I truly feel that my body was able to finally heal from the torn disc that was in my back during the summer. These past couple of weeks also I have been looking at my life and what I want to do. I realized that I just can't see myself being a teacher and there hasn't been a day gone by that I haven't thought of being in the military. I've decided that I'm going to give it another try, but just a different route. I look back and the MRI that I received stated that I didn't have any fused vertebrae and the most recent chiropractor that I visited before I left for my internship said that he couldn't really tell that I had arthritis. I haven't been taking the medication the past couple of weeks and still mostly pain free. I have a construction management class and one of the days and couple came and talked about the provo tabernacle, soon to be the provo city center temple. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about here is the site for it. (http://www.ldschurchtemples.com/provocitycenter/) One thing that he said really touched me. There was a member of our church who was over that building and learned that it was on fire. He quickly went down there and found it was true and watched as a beloved building of his burnt. He was comforted by a thought that came to his mind. It was the Lord speaking. The voice said, "I own this building. What is it to you if I want to do a little remodeling." The tabernacle was later decided on to become a temple. I can't help but think that if I am able to get in the military this second time that it was right for me to be in the military, but that I had just chosen the wrong path. The Lord needed to refine me a little and help me learn a few lessons. In sense he wanted to do a little remodeling. At this point I don't know where life is going to lead, but many doors have opened that I hadn't seen before and excited to where they may lead.

Doing Something Epic

 Since I last wrote it definitely has been a struggle. My body just doesn’t have the energy to keep up with everything I want to do. With the body not being able to keep up the mind slowly wanders and it’s hard to keep things positive. After researching on the internet I learned that fatigue is one of the main complaints with AS. The body uses most of the energy to counteract the inflammation. 

 I’m a big fan of “The Art of Manliness” and they had a good article that showed a lot of the emotions and feelings that I was having. It is called “The 3 Obstacles to Doing Epic Deeds and How to Overcome them”

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/05/29/the-3-obstacles-to-doing-epic-deeds-and-how-to-overcome-them/

If you ever feel like you want to do something out of the ordinary I encourage you to read it. It’s super good. So the background to his article is a man who decided he wanted to do something, but didn’t want to just do something he wanted to do something epic so he could push himself. He decided to do what is known as the 4 deserts grand slam. It’s races where you run 155 miles across most brutal deserts. The runners carry everything they will need on their backs. Crazy race. So here are the obstacles that most of us will face as we try to do something beyond the norm of what we think is possible for us, whether that be the 4 deserts grand slam to running a marathon.

The first obstacle is going from “I’m just an average guy to I’m destined for greatness.” I have many feelings about this, but if someone has a goal that they want to achieve, I say go for it. The other side to this is the gospel standpoint. That is the first thing I thought of when I read, “I’m destined for greatness.” Here we all are on earth trying to live a life to make it back to our Heavenly Father. What a daunting task.  It is achievable depending on the mindset that we have and the amount of perseverance that we put into our efforts to accomplish that task.

The second obstacle is a social issue. Some possible friends that we have would rather us come spend time with them then allow us to prepare for or train for are goals. Doing something epic is going to take extra time and we might loose those so called friends who try to distract us, but in doing this we attract friends who want to help and give support. It’s a leap of faith on this one, but comes out good in the end.

The third obstacle is in the trenches. It is overcome with those you have surrounded yourself with who are willing to lift you up and motivate you. The article talks about the man getting his luggage lost and having to run in two sizes smaller of shoes. He was starting to complain, but then realized everyone was limping and in the same boat as he was. He changed his attitude from complaining to helping others out. This last obstacle has been my trouble for a long time. It always seems like if it can go wrong, it will go wrong. I see it now as there are just some things that we don’t have any power over and just have to make do with what comes our way. I learned this lesson while I was in Africa. It’s hot. There is nothing I can do about that except learn to enjoy the heat. Now I love it. The pump to the water well breaks. Only thing to do at that moment is to get a bucket with a rope and fetch it the old fashioned way.

Another thought that came to my mind this week had to deal more with my body’s energy. Even after getting 8 hours of sleep after working out for a while I would come home and fall asleep for an hour or so. I was physically exhausted. My workouts weren’t that hard either. The thought came to me of the apostles in the Garden of Gethsemane. I heard it during General Conference, but for the life of me couldn’t find the reference. Anyways ita talks about it in Mark 14 and Luke 22. As a recap the disciples go with Christ to the Garden and they become sore amazed at the feelings of sorrow and the heavy gloomy feelings that they are having. They succumb to these feelings and fall asleep. They state, “ The spirit is ready, but the flesh is weak.”

A lot of people bag on the disciples for sleeping in the Garden while Christ was suffering, but I don’t think we have much room to talk. I feel I would have done the same. These last couple of weeks I truly have experienced the spirit is ready, but the body is weak. I know for a fact I would have fallen asleep just as the disciples.  I think of them later as they were able to overcome those physical limitations. Truly the body can be trained and conditioned to overcome many things. 

background and week 1 workout

I realized after writing those previous blog posts some of you who read this might not understand what ankylosing spondylitis is. So it is defined as a inflammatory disease that can cause some of the vertebrae in your spine to fuse together. There are other definitions, but they get way to complicated. So it basically is just a health issue that causes inflammation in your lower back. So it is different for everyone, but if not taken well care of can become a real issue just like any other issue that people might have.

A little more background info. So during fall or winter semester of school the pain was getting pretty severe. I was sitting down for a good part of the day and my back didn’t like that. While I was searching for things that could help and from the help of my family I came across a non-starch diet. How they explained it was that with the condition some of the bacteria in your body attacks part of the body causing inflammation. It went on to say that the excess starch that is left over from digestion provides food for the bacteria making the inflammation worse. So they suggest getting rid of starch, which is pretty much like 80% of the food that we consume. It is all grains and other foods like beans, potatoes, and other foods like that. I decided to try it. So I went for a good couple weeks and was doing some back exercises along with this and the pain almost went completely away amazingly. I was only able to stay strong for a couple weeks. I have a crazy fast metabolism and was always hungry. Just couldn’t get enough salad  and meat to satisfy my appetite. I ended up loosing weight, which I didn’t have any to loose. So I started eating grains once in a while just to give myself some carbs every once in a while. I now try to eat no starchy foods for breakfast, a little for lunch, and occasionally some for dinner. I found that my body can digest a little bit during lunch so it has time to digest and not just sit in my stomache all night.

So this week I stared training. So I haven’t really done any real exercise for a good 8-12 months. I’ve done a little swimming here and there and maybe jogged somewhere when I needed to get somewhere quickly, but beyond that I’ve just been resting. Usually if I do to much I’m not able to move the next morning or not able to get a good nights rest. I was able to get out and swim on Monday and Wednesday and a short bike ride on Tuesday. The other days I got to busy working and wasn’t able to get in for a swim. I was surprised from these small workouts that the pain the next day wasn’t very severe. After I got up and moving around I really didn’t notice it at all. I even played a game of basketball on Thursday night and wasn’t able to go for very long, but the next day I wasn’t feeling to bad.

With all that information time to think I had a few ideas come to my head. Obviously for me it is a little more necessary to be conscious of what I consume. I was thinking about the body and how it flushes out the bad. I was thinking of how important it was to be drinking water so that the body can do this function of cleansing. I think it is a gift that we are given to heal and repair ourselves.

While reading a conference talk one morning I came across a talk by elder Randall L. Ridd.  He says:

 “In a real though figurative sense, the book of life is the record of the acts of men as such record is written in their own bodies. … That is, every though, word, and deed has an [effect] on the human body; all these leave their marks, marks which can be read by Him who is Eternal as easily as the words in a book can be read.”

As I was reading this I thought back to the body and the ability it has to heal itself and my mind went to the scripture in D&C 58:42-43. This says:

“42 -Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.

43- By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins – behold, he will confess them and forsake them.”

I wondered if this is how the Lord will remember them no more. I then thought of the Holy Ghost and how he has the ability to “burn” the sins away in our bodies to cleanse us. I wondered if this is how the Lord would remember our sins no more. Does the spirit remove the effects the sins had on our body making that part of our book of life erased.

I had an experience with this type of thing this week as well. I am a free-lance worker per say and currently am working on a house. The goal is to get it finished by the end of the summer. So I had many other people wanting me to come and help them on some of their projects as well, which would have taken me away from my own. At first you would think it would be good to go and help. My life was becoming very hectic and my mind was not at ease. After talking with my dad I got some advice. He first said that the Savior never had a hectic life. He had many things to do, but never at a fast pace. He then also shared the advice the Savior gave to his apostles. This was that after they are converted then they were to convert their brethren.

I was trying to live a hectic life. It was having a toll on me. After I declined some offers and just focused on the matter I had at hand my mind was at peace again. I had energy again and my body felt rejuvenated.

Just like my example those who try to live a sinful life take a toll on their bodies. If only they would repent and change they would again be full of energy and not have to carry around the effects of those sins everywhere they go. It is so important to take care of our bodies both physically and spiritually so that they can do what they were made to do, heal, repair, and grow.

Strength like Nephi

In church we had a wonderful speaker that spoke about the prophet Nephi. The things that he talked about I feel go hand in hand to exactly what I was/am experiencing. My belief is that this process will happen at least a couple times in our life. That is receiving a stronger testimony of God, but it all requires a step of faith.

The man shared 1 Nephi 3:7 in the Book of Mormon. It reads:

“I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”

Most of us who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are familiar with this scripture, but the man who spoke brought us to the earlier scriptures and helped us see that Nephi wasn’t always like this. In 1 Nephi 2 we learn that Nephi’s older brethren were stiff-necked and when they have to leave Jerusalem they begin to murmur, thinking their father was crazy. In 1 Nephi 2:16 we see Nephi’s response. It reads:

            “And it came to pass that I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.”

The speaker explained that at this point he feels that Nephi might have been thinking also that his father was crazy, but knew that if it was from the Lord then the Lord would let him know if it was true. As we continue the story it begins to parallel what I experienced. Nephi is being obedient to the Lord and he is asked to go back to Jerusalem to get the plates of Brass. While they are there they fail twice. The second time they about loose their lives. Here is a perfect time for Nephi to begin to murmur as his brothers, yet he holds true to what he learned previously. At this point in the story we would expect some good things to finally come the way of Nephi, yet after the second try his older brethren beat him. This is when the Lord finally gives him a tender mercy and the angel shows up to stop the beating and gives him the simple statement “the Lord will deliver Laban into your hands.” After this we see the strength and testimony that Nephi has now obtained from persevering in his trials. He says in my favorite scripture 1 Nephi 4:6:

“And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.”

Nephi knew the Lord would deliver so he took that final step of faith and witnessed the miracle.

If we were to continue with the story we would see Nephi had many other opportunities to loose his testimony, but he held strong each time gaining a stronger testimony.

After I learned had arthritis and ankylosing spondylitis I did my best to stay strong. I moved forward and did my best to see the good. Like Nephi I didn’t experience a tender mercy for a while. Everything just seemed to be going down hill. I feel that I reached as low as I could have for my testimony at that time. It came to a point where thoughts entered my mind making me wonder if the gospel was true. As I was studying I read something that was talking about testimonies. The writer said some think it is foolish to bear testimony of things that we don’t know for certain, but continued on stating that after we bear testimony we receive the spiritual witness of what we have said was true. I knew that I needed to hear myself bear testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel and after doing so I was able to receive just enough of a witness to give me the strength to carry on. I am nothing to the faith of Nephi, but I try to hold onto the thought of being led by the spirit, since I have little direction on where life is going at this point.

There is opposition in all things. It was shared with me that the opposition is going to be greater to or equal to the witness that we receive.

Are we like Nephi’s brothers and begin to murmur at the beginning of a trial or do we have the strength like Nephi to inquire of the Lord to know if something is true and hold true to the answer no matter the opposition.