It has been a while since I have written. Many things have happened since then. They have shaped me even more in just these few months. First off for those who are reading this for the ankylosing spondylitis I will share the things I have done that have helped me improve physically and then will go into the spiritual side that has also helped me change my attitude over and over again to once again put a smile on my face.

Over these months I have had two major flair ups. Both left me in severe pain and it was hard to move and get up in the morning. Sleep was not deep and since my body was trying to combat everything in my body it was getting worn out. It got to a point when I decided I couldn't take the pain anymore and finally decided to go to a rheumatologist. So it usually takes months to get into one so I called around and found that at the university of utah they have a less known rheumatologist that could get me in in a month. I struggled for a while and finally got the pain to go away enough that I could work and stretch a little bit. I went there and received a blood test and exam and was told to come back in a month when there was an opening and he would let me know everything. I found out that yes truly I have ankylosing spondylitis, but it hadn't started fusing yet so I had control. He gave me some pills to take and sent me on my way. I promised him that I would take the pills everyday so I am now taking meloxicam every day along with other vitamins and things. So I kept going about my business and never reached a point where I was pain free even with the new medicine. I had some odd jobs for about a month that took me off of my normal routine and while working at home the pain was getting bad again, my second flair up. One day I tried to pull start a pressure washer and felt like I had thrown out my back again. I had to have my dad pull start the washer. I could barely move again. I couldn't bend down and pick anything up. I couldn't take the pain anymore and my parents helped me find a good chiropractor in pinedale, wyoming that I could go see that day to try and loosen my back up. I went to him and he got me on the path again. He got my legs back to the same length and relaxed the muscles in my back enough that I didn't have to limp out of his office. He gave me some exercises that I could do to help. I promised him also that I would continue to take the medicine everyday even though I couldn't really see much of a difference. One thing that this chiropractor explained is that there is a series of muscles that connect your pelvis and lower back up to your ribs and are the ones you can't control. Sorry never took anatomy so no idea what they are called. He explained how this protects the vitals inside and sometimes in doing so pulls other things out of balance. I apologize. Not the best explanation about what he said, but basically he explained that if i don't stretch the other muscles to balance the muscles out it will continue to wreak havoc on everything. I have began to do those exercises and eating healthy again and taking my medicine and am able to exercise for hours and work once again. I've started going to bed early again and although not 100% life is good.

Now for the emotional/spiritual side. I believe my spiritual and physical are connected and helping both has helped balance things out. The past months I have been praying and trying to feel and understand the love of God better and I wasn't quite expecting the way that God would show me his love. I had to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had to say goodbye to my best friend. We had one final hike into the mountains and he now rests under a pine tree that survived the fire over looking the valley. I don't cry, but that morning I shed many tears. About a week later is when the first flare up came. Most of the odd jobs I was doing was helping family. Once again I was praying and wanting to feel of God's love. I then received the second flare up. I came back to school and started going on dates with a girl and opening up my heart and it ended up not working out. During this time also I attended a devotional with President Worthen talking. He shared with us about Laman and Lemuel in the Book of Mormon. He asked if they had followed the council of the prophet and the Lord. He showed us yes many times they had. They left Jerusalem, the returned to get the brass plates, they returned to bring back wives, they helped build a boat, and they got on that boat to sail away. He explained that the difference between them and Nephi was murmuring. The listened to the prophet, but when things got hard they began to murmur. It was once again a call to repentance. Here I was trying to follow the council of the prophets and except what the Lord has given to me and yet I began to murmur when the things were getting rough. I began to look around and saw I was forgetting about those around me. One of my friends tried to commit suicide, another was going to be homeless.

I began a gratitude journal and once again began to look back on the things that had happened and truly I received an answer to my prayer of feeling and seeing the love of God. I came to see the sacrifice that our Heavenly Father had to do when He sacrificed His son when I had to put down my dog. I was able to find a rheumatologist quickly to take away some of the pain. I prayed and had the opportunity to feel the love our Heavenly Father has for the girl that I was pursuing. My parents paid for the chiropractor in wyoming when I couldn't move. I was able to receive a blessing and some help with some work I needed done from my father. Each one as I look back was an answer to my prayer. I had the opportunity to see, feel, and understand the love of our Heavenly Father and Savior on a whole new level and that I am thankful for. Looking back there isn't a thing I would have different. The knowledge and blessing has far out weighed any pain or trial that I had to go through. I know God loves his Children. I am now beginning to see and understand all of the blessings that have come from me being diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis. I am grateful for everyone.

 I watched a ted talk about a girl saying how circumstances help us to think creatively. I don't want to do her injustice by quoting her wrong. You should watch it yourselves. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_purdy_living_beyond_limits?language=en