I decided to change up my saying. I've had some experiences these last months that have helped me on my journey in life. I read the book "Forget Me Nots" by Dieter F. Uchtdorf and it made me stop and think a little bit that truly when we stop focusing so much on the end goal and enjoy each day and experience that we are given we are much happier. I think it's interesting that after a trial or experience we can look back and see that the path that we followed was necessary to help us obtain the goal or blessing. My experience these past few months are a perfect example for this. Luckily this time I was able to except very early in the process and began to see everything unfolding while it was happening.
I was just about finished up with school. I had talked to my councilor and worked it out that if I did a little heavier semester I could be graduated in one more semester. It was going to be 20 credits. My brother had just gotten me on as an intern with his company and I had it all worked out to graduate in a semester and then start working full time at that company. I don't particularly enjoy sitting in classes being lectured too and I struggle staying focused and on task so to say I was excited to finish is a complete understatement. My major is technology and engineering education and I decided a while back that I didn't want to teach. My major has been working on splitting the major so there is a teaching route and a non-teaching route. It was ok'd by the vice-president, but in his wanting to see if any other majors wanted to do the same and split, the split for my major was put on hold and has been for the past year. I had been hoping it would go through the system and I could graduate in that major, but it wasn't looking good so I talked to the councilor and was approved to finish all of the classes, but to be able to graduate without doing student teaching. I finished the paperwork and sent it in. A few days later I was called back into the office and was told that there was some complications. It turned out the the same people who have been holding up the splitting of my major deleted the graduation code about a year and a half ago without telling anyone making it impossible for me to graduate with my major without doing student teaching. My councilor was furious they didn't tell anyone and also the dean for my major. I was given two options. I could finish taking the classes that I was, but my diploma would say my major was secondary education non-licensure or I could finish taking the classes and do the student teaching and graduate in my major. I was stuck in a bind. I wanted to get a technical job and to have a secondary education non-licensure degree would do me no good. To anyone that shows I'm not really qualified for anything. Then there was no way I was going to take 20 credits while working to have to take another semester later while loosing my job since they don't allow you to student teach while working. There was no way I was going to do that. So I decided to step away from school for a while until they get things worked out. How long will it take I don't know.
To get away from school for a while seems against everything that I've been taught my whole life. All of my brothers and sisters have graduated from college and many have gone on to masters, law degrees, or phd's, but here is when I began to see the path laid before me.
I currently am working on a house to flip, but for the past month or so I have been getting a feeling like I should keep the house. I am currently on a construction loan and it ends in a couple months. Then there are some other aspects of my life that I've wanted to get back on track. I was running myself ragged by working full time while going to school and then doing some sides remodeling jobs. Because the mess happened with my major and me graduating I was able to go on full time sooner at the company I am interning for. With me going on full time I will have a good enough credit and pay to keep my house. With only one job I will be able to focus more on the things I need to keep in order like my health. So many doors have now opened up that I couldn't have dreamed of before. I look back now and am grateful for the mess with my major. The day I was told I was annoyed and was like great here is another road block that I need to go around. This new path that I've been traveling on is going to help me reach my dreams faster than I could have imagined.

For a spiritual thought I had as well. I was talking to one of my friends. He was concerned about getting some help. I told him that sometimes we have to except help. I thought of our Savior and how in life He teaches us to walk. Once we are walking He walks beside us, and then when we are to tired and can't walk anymore He carries us. The scripture came to mind. Matthew 18:3 - And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. I thought of parents and their children. At a young age they are carried until they are able to learn to walk. The parents are by their side the whole time encouraging them and there to catch them if they fall. The children are excited to be able to walk and run around and around, but eventually get tired and need to be carried. Are we like the little children and humble enough to be carried when we need to be?


So a side thought now pertaining to this last post I have been listing to "The Invention of Wings" and had the thought, knowledge is freedom. I love this thought. Truly the more we know the more free we become. One of the greatest blessings I've gained is the desire to learn. I was aware of how much time I was spending watching movies and television and when I first moved into my house about a year ago I didn't get the internet because I knew I'd spend to much time watching movies and browsing. I decided to begin reading. Books are amazing. I think I've read 20 or so this past year and some of which were 800 pages or more. I've started listening to books on tape and listening on my way to work. These stories have opened up my mind of which I am grateful.

It has been a while since I have written. Many things have happened since then. They have shaped me even more in just these few months. First off for those who are reading this for the ankylosing spondylitis I will share the things I have done that have helped me improve physically and then will go into the spiritual side that has also helped me change my attitude over and over again to once again put a smile on my face.

Over these months I have had two major flair ups. Both left me in severe pain and it was hard to move and get up in the morning. Sleep was not deep and since my body was trying to combat everything in my body it was getting worn out. It got to a point when I decided I couldn't take the pain anymore and finally decided to go to a rheumatologist. So it usually takes months to get into one so I called around and found that at the university of utah they have a less known rheumatologist that could get me in in a month. I struggled for a while and finally got the pain to go away enough that I could work and stretch a little bit. I went there and received a blood test and exam and was told to come back in a month when there was an opening and he would let me know everything. I found out that yes truly I have ankylosing spondylitis, but it hadn't started fusing yet so I had control. He gave me some pills to take and sent me on my way. I promised him that I would take the pills everyday so I am now taking meloxicam every day along with other vitamins and things. So I kept going about my business and never reached a point where I was pain free even with the new medicine. I had some odd jobs for about a month that took me off of my normal routine and while working at home the pain was getting bad again, my second flair up. One day I tried to pull start a pressure washer and felt like I had thrown out my back again. I had to have my dad pull start the washer. I could barely move again. I couldn't bend down and pick anything up. I couldn't take the pain anymore and my parents helped me find a good chiropractor in pinedale, wyoming that I could go see that day to try and loosen my back up. I went to him and he got me on the path again. He got my legs back to the same length and relaxed the muscles in my back enough that I didn't have to limp out of his office. He gave me some exercises that I could do to help. I promised him also that I would continue to take the medicine everyday even though I couldn't really see much of a difference. One thing that this chiropractor explained is that there is a series of muscles that connect your pelvis and lower back up to your ribs and are the ones you can't control. Sorry never took anatomy so no idea what they are called. He explained how this protects the vitals inside and sometimes in doing so pulls other things out of balance. I apologize. Not the best explanation about what he said, but basically he explained that if i don't stretch the other muscles to balance the muscles out it will continue to wreak havoc on everything. I have began to do those exercises and eating healthy again and taking my medicine and am able to exercise for hours and work once again. I've started going to bed early again and although not 100% life is good.

Now for the emotional/spiritual side. I believe my spiritual and physical are connected and helping both has helped balance things out. The past months I have been praying and trying to feel and understand the love of God better and I wasn't quite expecting the way that God would show me his love. I had to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had to say goodbye to my best friend. We had one final hike into the mountains and he now rests under a pine tree that survived the fire over looking the valley. I don't cry, but that morning I shed many tears. About a week later is when the first flare up came. Most of the odd jobs I was doing was helping family. Once again I was praying and wanting to feel of God's love. I then received the second flare up. I came back to school and started going on dates with a girl and opening up my heart and it ended up not working out. During this time also I attended a devotional with President Worthen talking. He shared with us about Laman and Lemuel in the Book of Mormon. He asked if they had followed the council of the prophet and the Lord. He showed us yes many times they had. They left Jerusalem, the returned to get the brass plates, they returned to bring back wives, they helped build a boat, and they got on that boat to sail away. He explained that the difference between them and Nephi was murmuring. The listened to the prophet, but when things got hard they began to murmur. It was once again a call to repentance. Here I was trying to follow the council of the prophets and except what the Lord has given to me and yet I began to murmur when the things were getting rough. I began to look around and saw I was forgetting about those around me. One of my friends tried to commit suicide, another was going to be homeless.

I began a gratitude journal and once again began to look back on the things that had happened and truly I received an answer to my prayer of feeling and seeing the love of God. I came to see the sacrifice that our Heavenly Father had to do when He sacrificed His son when I had to put down my dog. I was able to find a rheumatologist quickly to take away some of the pain. I prayed and had the opportunity to feel the love our Heavenly Father has for the girl that I was pursuing. My parents paid for the chiropractor in wyoming when I couldn't move. I was able to receive a blessing and some help with some work I needed done from my father. Each one as I look back was an answer to my prayer. I had the opportunity to see, feel, and understand the love of our Heavenly Father and Savior on a whole new level and that I am thankful for. Looking back there isn't a thing I would have different. The knowledge and blessing has far out weighed any pain or trial that I had to go through. I know God loves his Children. I am now beginning to see and understand all of the blessings that have come from me being diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis. I am grateful for everyone.

 I watched a ted talk about a girl saying how circumstances help us to think creatively. I don't want to do her injustice by quoting her wrong. You should watch it yourselves. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_purdy_living_beyond_limits?language=en